Valentine’s Day tends to shine a spotlight on relationships. The pressure to feel a certain way and the apparent necessity to make gestures can become greater than individual feelings. In some relationships, the pressure may bring clarity. In others, it may bring the end of the relationship. Many breakups during this time of year occur not out of the presence of love, but out of the pressure to ask questions previously avoided.
In the weeks leading up to February 14th, even the tiniest cracks in a relationship can seem larger and the lack of return on investment may surface, leading to the conversations becoming weighted. Now the once thrilling experience switches to the unknown.
A person might choose to stick around hoping for a spark during this holiday in order to rekindle what is lost. However, others realize it would be even harder to pretend rather than tell the truth.
A breakup during this time of year might feel like it comes out of nowhere but often occurs due to a misaligned partnership for an extended period of time.
Valentine’s breakups are hard because they feel public. There are reminders of love all around us in the form of overflowing shelves of mementos. Additionally, social media is full of reminders about the day and photos of all of the wonderful moments people are sharing while happy and in love. A person who has just gone through a break up might feel very alone, surrounded by reminders of love they no longer share.
However, there is also the quiet shame that might accompany these break-ups.
Occurring around Valentine’s Day celebrations, the timing of these break-ups seem callous and even painful even if they were long overdue.
However, staying for the sake of familiarity is detrimental as well because showing up out of obligation will only postpone the inevitable reality of the situation and is counterintuitive because sometimes the only thing left for someone is the truth.
Children do not place meaning on dates the way adults do. There is disappointment, then emotions dissolve, and eventually life goes on. The older a person gets, the more a breakup is associated with a milestone or an expectation. Making it more difficult to move on from the separation.
Valentine’s breakups do not represent failure when it comes to love. For some, the breakup can be seen as an expression of knowing oneself. Abandoning what can be in favor of what should be. This is growth.
Valentine’s Day can come quietly for many. It can be a romantic night out with someone special, a day with friends, or even a turning point in life that leads not to heartbreak but to realization, to independence, and to beginning again.
