Being able to have someone wrapped around your finger is a powerful feeling that many find a thrill in. Having no consideration for the other person’s feelings is part of what the other person feels after they have experienced “the chase.”
The chase is all about the period of excitement that occurs when you are first interested in someone. It is when the person pursues you, wants to hang out and talk on the phone. Whether you are someone who enjoys meeting new people or like the thrill of harmless flirting, it is easy to get caught up in the chase.
Many individuals enjoy the initial constant messaging and engagement and eventually get used to it. However, when it is time to take the next step toward commitment, these over- affectionate people often back off or ghost you without an explanation or second thought.
This cycle of not wanting a committed relationship yet still leading people on has become normalized in society. The use of social media has made it easier for people to connect with each other, but also avoid taking a leap into commitment. So the question is, why do people do it?
Jarrod Ruiz, a student at County Prep, expresses his view on how the fun of the chase is an irresistible cycle.
“It is fun to try and get someone to like you. The whole process and experience is just fun,” said Ruiz. “You try everything to make them like you and it’s the thrill that’s so satisfying, but once they start liking you for real, it is like wait, hold up.”
People often feel excited when they start to talk to someone new, then flake when it starts to become too serious. When feeling led on, it is like you are playing a game where the rules are unclear, and you’re always left wondering whether they truly feel the same. The sudden excitement that was once there is now just confusion and questioning of why the feeling is not mutual.
“I was talking to this one girl for about three weeks and I believed that everything was going well, until she started making the most ignorant excuses to hang out,” said Ruiz. “I ghosted her, and two weeks later, she posted about her new boyfriend. I felt disappointed because her actions made me feel like she was truly interested in me.”
Getting led on with no chance of it turning into a real serious relationship is an important issue. While the chaser might enjoy the validation, the person being led on is often left feeling confused and questioning their worth.
Ending this cycle requires honesty and self awareness. If you are not ready for a relationship, be upfront about it from the start. If you are the one being led on, remember who you are and that your time and feelings are worth more than attempting to get into a relationship.
The pleasure of the chase can be exciting, but true connections that are built from clarity and respect, are more fulfilling.
